He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
