They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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