I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
