I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
