so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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