Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
