I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
