It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
