I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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