Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
