i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
