i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
