never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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