I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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