haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just pee around me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
