I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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