There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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