You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
