You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize