My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
