Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
