I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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