I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
