the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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