I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
