It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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