I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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