Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
