Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
