whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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