Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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