I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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