Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
