My friends, they love my intelligence
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
