I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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