He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
