I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
