i can't believe i had my finger in that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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