i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
