Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
