My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
