if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
