I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
