last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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