70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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