Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
