People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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