no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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