Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
