I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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