Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
