dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
