So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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