Ambien. No doubt about it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
