Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
