i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
