turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
