i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
