I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
