Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
