If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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