gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
