I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
