Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
