I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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