I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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