The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
