I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
