yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
