i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
