i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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