Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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