Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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