These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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