There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
