his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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